On Depression

Simply put, life is amazing. It is the sum of all things that makes us happy, makes us sad, lifts us up in our highest moments, and throws us down in lowest. Life is dynamic. Ever-changing in what it presents us as our daily challenges and rewards.

Yet life can sometimes appear to push too hard. It can take everything that a person should be happy for and turn it into guilt and fear for no apparent reason. Life can become a deep hole of never-ending darkness that seems inescapable. When all our surroundings seem to just be a blur, as if nothing is ever really there or ever really matters. When a feeling of detachment is only punctuated by the thought that an end is all there is to look forward to.

This is depression. This is a condition that so many people deal with on a daily basis and so many of their family and friends sometimes never know occurs. Depression is quite possibly the worst feelings I could ever imagine anyone having to undergo. But it’s more than that. It’s more than just a feeling. It’s an inability to cope with the world around you and understand how or what reality actually is. In depression, a person’s mind is distorted and so much of their thoughts are devoted to those dejected, lonesome feelings.

What’s worse is when a person has dealt with these feelings for too long. Their body mentally and physically cannot handle the stress of their situations any longer. This is when depression becomes dangerous. When a person thinks that the only way to end all the pain and suffering is to stop living. Some may ask “why would someone ever get to this point and think that it could solve everything? How could someone be so selfish and focused only on their own wants and desires to actually go through with that? Wouldn’t they realize what they would be doing to their friends and family?” Yes. Yes they would.

And that’s the kicker. That last question torments the mind over and over and over again, yet still, somehow, the warped brain still pushes that person to the edge. That’s why it’s thought of as a solution. That’s why they appear to make a decision that no normally-thinking person would make.

It is the saddest to hear the other side of this decision. To read a news article about a famous person who touched so many lives that they never even met. To receive an email about a classmate who couldn’t deal with it anymore after college. It’s sad not only because of the obvious outcome, but it’s sad because maybe they could have been helped. Maybe they could’ve had a friend or co-worker that they could’ve seen the light in and used to pull themselves out of the abyss. A simple “hello, how are you today?” or a night out with friends. Small things shine big in dark moments. A friend writing a note saying “I hope you read this and smile :)” could drastically change how a day, a week, or even and entire month turns out for a person.

I’ve been there. I’ve lived that life. I suffered through years of it. There are thoughts and memories that I hope to someday forget completely. Every once in a while I still think back to then. But I’m here now, a much happier and healthier man. Living each day like the true gift that it is and enjoying all the simple things in life is such an amazing feeling. Waking up happy every day and knowing that I’ve got an incredible life to live is what it should be all about.

But this only happened because of the help of people. Few knew, most didn’t. But even though most didn’t know what I was going through, they could still bring a smile to my face every once in a while. Baking a cake, eating dinner, cards of encouragement, having meaningful and happy conversations are all just small, simple examples of the incredible amount done for me by others.

I write this to say a simple line: help others. Yes, while those suffering from depression should seek help and know when they need to, they often don’t. I never did. It sometimes doesn’t seem logical to that person to go ask for help because either they don’t realize it or they feel guilty for being depressed. They feel ashamed and that others will look down upon them. But you can make a difference in their lives.

You can make all the difference. Everyone is fighting their own battle in life. Being encouraging and kind to others helps them get through their days. And being kind in turn makes you feel good for helping out. If you know of someone who is suffering from depression or may appear to be, just help. Tell them a funny joke when you pass them in a hallway. Say hi and ask them how their day is going. Take them out for a drink or dinner. Whatever small thing you feel like you can give a few minutes of your day for could mean the world to someone and help change their lives forever.

The Beginning of the Middle of a Bitter-sweet End.

Hello again, friends!

I have managed to find a little break in my studies to share some thoughts on the events of this past week.  Hopefully you all got to experience the great enjoyment of watching Space Shuttle Endeavour lift off on its final ascent beyond Earth this past Monday as the STS-134 mission began.  I gave up the last few hours of cramming before a thermodynamics exam, but it was well worth it.  With the explosion of social media over the last few years, watching shuttle launches (or any space craft launch, for that matter) has become quite an event.  Once again, while watching via USTREAM video, getting updates from Space Flight Now‘s mission status center, and attempting to keep up with the huge amount of #Endeavour and #sts134 hashtag-ed tweets, I had one of the best seats available on that cloudy morning aside from being on site in Florida.

Now let’s get down to some science!  Endeavour’s payload included a $1.5 billion physics experiment (AMS-02), Express Logistics Carrier-3 (ELC-3), and other spare parts that were taken en route to the International Space Station.

The most interesting payload component, the Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer (AMS-02) has already been mounted on the outside of the International Space Station, and when ready, experiments conducted using this device will be involved with dark energy, dark matter, other particles that still have scientists left standing with burning questions.  NASA payload manager Joe Delai shared that “…what AMS-02 discovers will have a revolutionary understanding of how the universe really works – stuff that we have no knowledge of whatsoever right now.”  I certainly hope that these experiments can clear up some of our ignorance about dark energy and how it theoretically is causing the universe to expand.

A little bit of light was shinned upon this subject earlier this week by a separate experiment.  A “galaxy survey” used data from NASA’s Galaxy Evolution Explorer (GALEX) and the Anglo-Australian Telescope to gather evidence in support of Einstein’s proposal that dark energy is a cosmological constant and is “pulling” the universe apart.  So hopefully, AMS-02 will be able to expand on this and give us more of a confirmation of dark energy’s existence, as well as give us some more knowledge on the seemingly ever-elusive dark matter.

Also launching aboard Endeavour, along with many other experiments, was the Planetary Society’s Shuttle LIFE experiment.  To quote directly: “the Planetary Society developed the two-phase LIFE – Living Interplanetary Flight Experiment – to investigate the transpermia hypothesis, the idea that a living organism might survive a journey through space to Earth inside a meteorite.”  In short, five different kinds of living organisms were launched aboard the shuttle to see if the could survive in some of the harsh conditions they would be susceptible to if there were to ‘hitch’ a ride to Earth in a meteorite.  I think this is a fantastic experiment and a great example of just how important our space flight is to all areas of science.

Not only did Monday’s launch mean the chance for the expansion of our scientific knowledge and a greater understanding of the universe, but it also marked what I’ve been calling the ‘beginning of the middle of a bitter-sweet end.’  As you all know, STS-134 is the second to last space shuttle mission, and Endeavour will join the likes of Space Shuttle Discovery and test orbiter Enterprise on their way to museums when she re-enters Earth’s atmosphere in June.  Only Atlantis will remain to be launched in what is tentatively scheduled for mid-July.  In nearly the same way I felt as I watched the STS-133 crew launch earlier this year, Endeavour’s launch was very bitter-sweet.

While I completely understand NASA’s need to retire the aging fleet, the Space Shuttle has been one of only a couple types of vehicles that have taken humans into space in my lifetime.  Understandably, to take away the only thing that my generation has known for such a task (other than the Soyuz rockets and hope of Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo) seems to us to be a rather lamentable thing for NASA to do.  Nonetheless, I cannot wait until the next program gets up and running to fill in the massive shoes the Shuttle program will leave behind.

On a side note: I was so glad to hear that Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and her two daughters were still able to attend the delayed launch with her husband, Commander Mark Kelly on board Endeavour.  In what has to be one of the best gestures of all-time, Gabby and Mark switched wedding rings before he went into final preparations, and now Com. Kelly is orbiting 200 miles above Earth with Gabby’s ring, and Gabby is recovering very well from skull surgery earlier this week in a Houston hospital with Mark’s ring.

As the Shuttle program comes to an end, I can only watch online and enjoy the rest of STS-134 and wait in anticipation for STS-135.  July (given that there are no major delays) will be a month of rejoicing for the overwhelming success of the program, and somewhat of a month of mourning for it’s retirement.  Earlier this year, as NASA celebrated the 30th anniversary of the Shuttle program, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden gave a reflection of how the program has influenced the ISS: “We wouldn’t have been able to build that orbiting outpost without the shuttle. We wouldn’t have established that model of global cooperation that serves as a guidepost for how we can work together toward the greater things of which we are capable as human beings.”  I could not have said it better myself.

Thanks for reading this rather long post and sorry for rambling on, but I saw this as my opportunity to share some items before the grind of finals week preparation begins.  Good luck to the ISS crew, the STS-134 crew, and all of mission control for the rest of this mission, and I’m looking forward to Atlantis.

Let’s change the world!

-Jason

My Pledge

Hello, and welcome to my humble rambling of thoughts page: Please, Consider the Following.

However you may have stumbled across this site, I thank you for your time in reading what I have written.  In this blog, I plan on sharing my thoughts (though pointless to many of you, I’m sure they may be) on various topics in touch with science, engineering, and related fields.  Every once in a while, I may spice it up and throw in something just for fun, though I consider science to be one of the most fun topics that could ever be discussed.

You may have read the title of this blog and thought “I’ve seen that somewhere before, it seems so familiar.”  And if you’re here and genuinely interested in science, I’m sure that thought is completely true.  You can call me a thief if you wish, but I swiped it from Bill Nye.  You know, the Science Guy.  Growing up, and still today, Bill Nye was an idol to me. I watched his shows in elementary school and his teaching style sparked an interest in science that would never burn out.  Today, I have an even greater respect for the man.  As many of you may know, Bill is a Cornell graduate with a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering, and he is now the executive director of the Planetary Society, a group that is dedicated to the advancement of space exploration.  Though to some it may even seem juvenile because of his association with a kids show, I still look up to Bill and what he does to help improve our planet and educate the public about what they can do to make this world a better place to live.  So, I hope you don’t mind me using his catchy phrase as the title.

That is part of what this blog is about: reporting and sharing thoughts on scientific research, engineering news, and items that have the potential to literally change the world.  Though I know this is never likely to get many views, if I can get just one person to gain an initiative for thinking beyond mundane, day-to-day tasks and considering the vast magnificence of science and how we, as a society, can utilize scientific knowledge and engineering principles to make an impact on the world, it could be a life-changing event for that person and have lasting effects on the world as we know it.  I mean, someone had to spark Einstein’s thirst for knowledge, right?

So that, my friends, is my pledge to you. I will try my best so that you can use this blog as one of innumerable tools available for the gain of scientific knowledge and thought-provoking material.  Though it may seem like a lot of mumblings about nothing of interest, I hope you can find it as much more.

Let’s change the world!

-Jason